Harry answers
Colin, welcome to my stable. Your gut is twitching for a reason, and you did the smart thing writing to an old horse before you did anything with your bank card. Let's sort this out.
Is asking for money normal in the Philippines?
Here's the honest, slightly uncomfortable answer: asking for help is more normal here than where you and I grew up. Family is everything, money moves around families constantly, and a girl in Angeles City with a bit of English and a foreign friend online is, in the eyes of her mother, aunties and three cousins, the family's best chance of getting the roof fixed. That's not villainy. That's how it works when there's no safety net.
So a request, in itself, doesn't make her a scammer. Some of the girls I've known for twenty years have asked me for help at some point, and some of them I've helped, and I don't regret it — because I'd known them for years and knew exactly where it was going.
You've known her for three weeks. Over a phone. That's the difference.
Harry's rules on money
I've had these since the newsletter days and they haven't needed updating:
- No money to anyone you haven't met in person. Not for hospital, not for phone load, not for her sister's school fees, not for a bus ticket to come and meet you. Zero. If that costs you a girl, she was never coming to dinner anyway.
- After you've met, help with things, not sums. Buy the groceries. Pay the pharmacy directly. Take her to a decent restaurant on Fields Avenue. What you're spending on the strip anyway — a ladies' drink is about ₱400–600 as of August 2026 — buys her a very good dinner instead. Money you can see the end of is a gift; cash into an account is a habit you're teaching both of you.
- Never lend. Give small or don't give. "Loans" out here have a way of becoming a second, larger loan.
- If you feel rushed, stop. Urgency is the scammer's only real tool. A real emergency survives a day's delay and a straight conversation.
Red flags — how many has she waved?
Go down this list honestly, Colin.
- The ask came before the meeting. That's the big one, and it's yours.
- Emergency with a deadline. Hospital bills, an eviction, a phone that's about to be cut off — always today, always urgent.
- She's in love very quickly. "Babe" by day two, "my husband" by week two. Real Filipinas are warm; they're not that fast.
- Video calls are short, blurry, or always "next time". You say you video call properly — good. That rules out one whole category of nonsense.
- She wants it sent a particular way, or to a name that isn't hers ("my cousin's account"), or asks you not to mention it to anyone.
- The story keeps needing top-ups. First it's the deposit, then the medicine, then the discharge fee.
One flag can be a coincidence. Three is a business model. And I'll say something else you may not want to hear: even if she's a perfectly real girl who genuinely likes you, plenty of women in Angeles have two or three "boyfriends" abroad, each of whom thinks he's the one, each of whom sends a little something monthly. Nobody's heart is breaking in that arrangement except the sender's when he finds out. Read the Angeles City Scams & Rip-offs to Avoid page for the full catalogue; the emotional version is just the money version with better lighting.
So how do I meet women properly?
The way you'd meet anyone, just with a bit more sunscreen.
Chat, then video, then meet. Keep the online bit for getting a feel for each other. When you come to Angeles — and you should, it's a good town — meet her somewhere public and ordinary: a cafe or restaurant on Fields Avenue, the food court at the mall, a walk around Balibago in daylight. Buy dinner. Talk. See if the girl at the table matches the girl on the screen. Most of the time she does, and the money conversation never happens because you're there, and you're already paying for the adobo.
Meet more than one. Not to be a cad — to have perspective. Fellas who fly out to meet one girl they've never met and put all their eggs in that basket are the ones writing me the sad emails in September. Chat with a few, meet a few, let it be normal. The Online Dating in Angeles City: How It Actually Works guide has the sensible version of how to do this, and How to Meet Filipinas in Angeles City Outside the Bars covers where the girls who don't work on Walking Street actually are.
Then, if it's real, read Dating a Filipina: What Every Foreign Guy Should Know before you say anything you can't take back. Family, money, church, expectations — there's a lot to know, and it's all knowable.
Keep the wallet shut and the door open, Colin. That's the whole trick.
— Harry
Got one of your own? Write to harry@harrythehorse.com or use the contact page. First name and town only — Harry never publishes an email address.
